Hello💜 popping on Facebook for a little week update and I suppose a side journal entry of the madness and emotion going on in my head..could be lengthy (sorry in advance)
First I want to say a huge Thank you to everyone who donated, planned and took the time to attend the adult prom last weekend. I was completely blown away from the generosity and love that was expressed at the event.❤Those events are very awkward for me. I’m sure it would be awkward for any of you also but I am beyond thankful. I need to apologize as due to this awkwardness, I didn’t get to talk to everyone that attended. I really wanted to personally say hello to everyone but I have to say at times I was overwhelmed as I like to be under the radar. The night was amazing!!! I had the best time and loved getting to see my friends and family having fun and me getting to feel somewhat “normal” even for just a moment here and there. As the night concluded I became pretty emotional. I guess for a moment I remembered why this was happening and I made eye contact with a few people that must have felt the same way at the same time with tears running down their face. It was like the clock struck midnight and the smiles turned to tears. I was flashing back to my wedding day dancing with the love of my life looking forward to our future in what seemed to be endless, looking at my friends and thinking how much we’ve been through and how we love each other like sisters, looking at my family and seeing how it hurts them to watch me go through this…..I am so thankful it’s me and not them but I wish they didn’t have to experience with me.. Point blank it stinks… it’s a reality I wake up with everyday and I smile and move on and pray God keeps allowing me to live💜 and blessing me with the best friends, family and community ever!! I don’t feel worthy.
Back tk the week..so the prom was Saturday and I had treatment Tuesday. They scaled it back again for a total of 40% reduction and took out a couple pre meds. Thankfully I feel like this dosage may be tolerable! I’m supposed to start my clinical trial pills again but I’m kinda waiting until I’m feeling well enough. So as of now my goal is to start them back Monday. Also since I’ve had so much trouble with my chemo this go round my doctor has ordered a scan for late next week to see what’s going on inside. It’s a week early then the original plan. Fingers crossed everything is stable.
My hair…so I had been holding out for a while trying to get by and I just couldn’t anymore… Thursday I said goodbye to my locks. (What I had left) I did okay with the shaving process. I didn’t watch but I was certainly shocked at the result. Today I’m missing my hair. I’ve played with my hair since I was a baby to go to sleep and now I don’t have any…i catch myself getting 2 towels for the shower, wearing a hair tie around my wrist and feeling like a turtle with no shell. I wear a head cover and I feel like I’m in disguise hiding from the world. I will get used to it…its weird. My cancer was somewhat invisible and now it’s not. On the bright side, I get ready a lot quicker lol. I hope you all are enjoying tbis long weekend!! Hug your loved ones!! Well that’s all I got for now. I hope my post doesn’t seem like I’m complaining because I’m not wanting it to be like that. For me this rawness and truth will hopefully help someone that may have the same struggles know they aren’t alone and it helps me get it off my chest and let you inside my thoughts. I feel blessed in the fact that I have never felt so loved and cared for as I do in this moment and I’m so thankful for each and every one of you!!! Again I love all the PROM pics and I had an absolute blast!!! Love always💜💜💜💜xoxo
Jessica