Okay, so chemo today (11/2/16)

November 2, 2016 Jessica Comments 0 Comment

Okay so chemo today….it’s crazy how the effects of chemo happen right away. I’ve been in bed since I got home and I’m kinda just miserable. Cancer stinks and so does the treatment 🙁 I talked with my doctor about my ultrasound…I’m kinda confused because they get a summary report from a radiologist that compares to a previous scan…I have had so many scans I’m unsure at this point which ones were compared to each other…she in a non direct way said according to the ultrasound there was growth but according to the CT things were stable…so not sure what to think..she said she was hoping to put me on maintenance chemo around the holidays but she’s too scared to at this point..she wants me to get a few more rounds of this strong chemo and do in depth scans early December. She’s confident I will be on this regimen until at least the end of December.
This cancer is so relentless but so am I. I know statistics aren’t good but I’m determined to grow old with my love, continue to watch my babies grow and celebrate holidays with my family💙 At times I get so consumed with statistics and watch people with this diagnosis pass away. I’m 34 years old and I feel like I was just dipping in to the best years of my life..now I have to just pray to God that he let’s me live long enough to get both girls through high school… I often ask God why me but I also thank God it is me. I ask God why he let this happen since I’ve been blessed with a special needs daughter that’s going to need my support for her entire life. With that said I am faithful and I’m not supposed to know the grand plan. I trust all will work out like its supposed to.I also get down when I feel my absolute worst and say I can’t do this..but soon enough the rough days fade and I remember I have to do this!! I can’t give up!!
Enough of that, by the time you hear from me or see me again I will be back on the happy trail 😊
I’m just going to leave you with a few thoughts… Be kind to everyone. You never know what’s happening behind that smile. You look at me when I’m out on a good day and would never know I have this monster growing inside me trying to steal my happiness, strength and life. You look at my precious Lauren and from the outside looks like every other 11 year old but she too has fragile X and autism tendencies she’s fighting every second. My precious Brenna is taking on the fact her mommy isn’t the same anymore (I try so hard to be) My night in shining armor taking on the weight of all this and being so dang wonderful….The list goes on.. Just be patient, be kind and just think for a moment often there is more going on that meets the eye 💜 I have many friends and family member having a major struggle but they handle with grace and you would never know their pain. Also 1 thing this illness has forced me to do and that’s live in the moment and take it all in! I’m so thankful for that aspect. I challenge you to take the country way home, roll the windows down and feel that air blow thru your fingers. Stop and just be thankful.